In this, his latest, much awaited & spectacularly over-due posting, Mr Lawrence Sloane disscusses the validity of google images, clothes that no longer fit and the pleasure that is inherent through the drinking of cheap red wine on a Tuesday afternoon...


"Good afternoon dear hearts! I trust that you are well..? Yes...? Good. Let's get away from all this small talkage and on to the real crux of the issue in hand...Namely, why I have been away from you, my adoring public (hah!!!), for this abnormal length of time...I shall address this burning question of yours thus:

'Just who the fuck are you anyway???'

Hahaha!

Only kidding...I know who you are - just as long as you can swear that you know who I am...Let's just say that I have been reticent to do any more of this 'blogging' business...or you could say I've been lazy, or idle, or jaded, or cynical or scaredorconfused.com"...I just want to consolidate all my existing loans into one giant,fuck-off,ball-bustingloanheavy enough to crush the Hef's scotal pillows..."

Any of the above will suffice...

Incidentally, before I get onto whether or not it's ethical, morally speaking, to falsely name your images while uploading them - thus leaving lazy researchers like me ending up with crudely modelled museum-type apes when I'm after real, true to life chimps - I would like to mention that I have been involved in the preparations for a new gallery based in famed 1980's riot hotspot Luton. I am planning to have a studio there in the near future...which should be nice...And it will save me following the lead of that early tabloid sensationalist Modigliani, and having to sleep in bins for the sake of my art...

...arf arf...snigger! ART!!???!!

So...yes...where was I??? Oh yeah...wine in the afternoons...well, I feel cheap, squalid, unmotivated and too fat to be an artist - not to mention the bulbous nose and lack of sexual encounters - so I might as well get pissed up like what they did in Paris and 'The Rebel' (incidentally, I still maintain that Tony's self portrait is rather appealing...).

...I have to do more sit-ups too...I once heard that Olivia Newton-John did a 1,000 of the buggers a day...Where would I find the time for the vino and the ER re-runs??? I'll just have a check on e-bay for an unwanted abdominiser from the early nineties...or one of those vibrators you can wear on the train...

Haha! No, not one of those vibrators...Haha!!! I think they are called 'Chinese Love-balls' and are available on line...

Oh well...I shall endeavour to do one of these a week in order to give me something to do and hopefully some shit insight into a desperate man's life at the beginning of the 21st century...

"Whaoah-ooh Black Betty, baom-ba-baom" - fuck knows...

Sleep tight and just be thankful that you've made it through the day without doing a Mel Gibson...

All the best etcetera,

Lx"