In this, his latest long overdue blog, Mr Sloane argues the case for dodgy photoshop filtration, the wonders of Welwyn Garden City and his fears concerning an imminent relocation...
"...good afternoon dearhearts!
It feels like years since we've conversed via the t'internet by way of my twittering, nay meandering blog-type missives...
...how have you coped without me?
Never fear you cowering fuckers, Mr Sloane is here to alleviate your boredom through his hilarious musings on his shit life!
Yes...I am!
Ha-Ha!
I still don't know who you are, btw...
Anyway, enough of this guff-age and back to the matter in hand...namely what the fuck is that filter doing on my luvingly grafted image of the Campus West roundabout in the heart of my native WGC??? I don't recall being that blase when I actually did it - but then it was a while ago now, so who knows, eh??? Anyway, never fear...with one click of me mouse in photoshop I can easily remedy the psychometric effects rendered through the filtration unit in said progarm, and return the scene to a beautiful panorama of browns and russets...
...Ah...
Welwyn Garden...
...with your one way 'block' system through Howardsgate, your tree lined avenue and dispossessed youth...
your Campus West library/entertainment venue and your over-crowded taxi rank...
your reliance on being twenty minutes from Kings Cross St Pancras and your neglecting of local industry...
your sacrifice of the working man whom you so lovingly embraced in the post-war years in favour of city types who merely sleep here en route to the office...
I dream of Pat McConnell, found stabbed to death round the back of Kentucky Fried Chicken...
I dream of Sir Ebenezer Howard giving felatio to Sir Frederick Osborn while Louis De Souissons looks on bemused...
I imagine a day when the entire, fucking place will destroy itself by way of an apocolyptic council newsletter focusing on youths, street crime and provision for the elderly...
my town...
new town...
Still...My sights are now set upon the filthy, degrading yet honest streets of sunny Luton, where I shall be moving to at the end of the month...I have a shiny new flat close to the train station that I can't really afford and am suffering from slight trauma at the thought of pissing a lot of cash up the proverbial wall...But on the flip side I am looking forward to a place of my own, being able to leave my 'ART' work out all over the floor if I want to and entertaining female company without me mum bursting in half way through with tea and biscuits!!!
...So, it's all go in the life of the Sloane...Maybe I can even set into motion my dreams of an internet based chat show????
...In the words of Stephen Hawking, "The possibilities are endless."...
"Luton is a fucking shithole" - Ken Fosset Jr
"Up the workers" - Lord Jeffrey Archer (disgraced)
Ta-tah for now...
Lx"
